Touch

I’d never thought someone could ever replicate his touch. The way my heart pounded when he  touched me with his eyes, touched me from within. The kind of unrest- I called love. He invoked an unknown, vivid and restless fire inside of me. I couldn’t sit still when he was around, couldn’t do anything far related to calm. He was like the storm I had never experienced in life.

It’s different now. I don’t feel the same way when I first started out, I was afraid. There was no fire, no storm. I was terrified- what if I don’t feel the same way about him, that way, the way I felt about him. I felt like the sea- calm, composed and really at peace. Like I have reached my horizon after miles of swaying, swimming and searching. Suddenly, my life is about me, and I feel like I want him, not need him. I was lying there, confused, about what I felt. Was the unrest that I felt love? Was the calm inside of me a sign of my incapability to love again? Or was the fire a sign of me burning in order to find me- and the calm, my perception of love?

No. The calm I felt was the acceptance of the real me. The fire made me better- less impatient- and the calm, my strength. My feelings for him.
I thought I knew love. I was wrong. Thousands of emotions, storming me with thoughts. All of this, and I still don’t know love. How my incapability shows my strength, and that, in turn, shows my vulnerability.

It’s funny how I retrospect and realize that the fire- years of it- nothing at all. Just a phenomenon that diminished my will to love, to be happy, only to prepare me to feel.

His intensity made me believe in love- didn’t make me fall in love. However, love or not, his passion had done what intensity couldn’t do for years. Made me feel. What, I don’t know yet, but I feel something when he is around. I think that, is my horizon. But just as the imagery suggests, it’s only the beginning, only for me to see how far my horizon extends, till I fall off the edge of the earth, hopefully, in love.